honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
