12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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