I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
