Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
