I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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