i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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