Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
