If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
