Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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