Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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