Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
