4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
