I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
