what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
