He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
