Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
