They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
