how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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