we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
