it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
