I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
