I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
