It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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