can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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