he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
