Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
