He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This baby is an asshole
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
