So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
