how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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