someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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