Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
