Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
