You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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