So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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