it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
