I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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