she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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