I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
