well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
