Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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