While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
