sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
