no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
