Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
