The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
