My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
handjob tips. give me some.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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