I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
420 ftw
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
