I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
