Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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