Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
