You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
