I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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