The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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