Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
