the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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