Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There's even glitter on my cock...
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