Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I will be naked everywhere
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I believe in your delicious
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
