The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
