Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
