it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
