Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
