i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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