i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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