Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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