my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
