i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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