theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
